My husband and I are extremely different in our lifestyle pace. I am a very fast paced person–I like to plan ahead, foresee any and every possible problem, and am more apt to take risks. My husband on the other hand becomes overwhelmed if I plan too much in too little time. He likes to enjoy life in the moment, stays within the comfort of tried and true, and prefers to focus on the now. In other words, he enjoys a slow moving lifestyle while I prefer to get things going.

It’s been a challenge we have faced the short while we have been married; however, it’s never been without confrontation. Having different lifestyle patterns aren’t exactly easy to ignore. It took several years before we were able to identify the root of our conflict in this area. I saw his slow-paced lifestyle as lazy, and he saw my fast-paced lifestyle as excessive.

It wasn’t until the Lord placed my husband in a situation with heavy opposition that we were made aware of how much we needed each other’s lifestyles.

My husband started a new job—a job we had been praying for—and the first day he came home from work, I felt sick to my stomach. I told him I felt something wasn’t right and was almost positive this company was not what we expected it to be. 

Naturally, I immediately started researching other job opportunities while my husband rolled his eyes and claimed I was being a little too dramatic. But a turn of events brought us to a place where we finally understood the harmony God intended for our marriage.

My husband’s job went from good to bad to worse in a matter of weeks. After six months, he and I were both ready to throw in the towel and find something else. When the Lord closed every door leading to a new opportunity, my husband and I had no choice but to ride this thing out.

When he would come home from work discouraged, disappointed, frustrated, or exhausted, he relied on my fast-paced lifestyle to remind him to remember the promises of our future. He also embraced the plans I made to set apart a time of rest. While he was weak living in the moment, I was able to help him look forward to what was next.

Likewise, when I exhausted myself trying to locate better opportunities or became overwhelmed with what seemed to be my husband’s future at this company, my husband was able to remind me of how God was moving through him daily. He brought me into the present perspective and helped me celebrate the small things happening in the now.

We needed each other in a season that left us unsure of how anything would play out. For the first time, perhaps ever, I was really thankful my husband brought his slow-moving lifestyle into my life. Ever since this season, we have been sharpened, strengthened, and inspired to find harmony in the other areas of our lives where we differ. Whether it is cleaning habits, time-management, thought processing, or even raising our kids, my husband and I choose to embrace our opposite personality traits as traits that will benefit our lives more than if we lived alone.

We haven’t quite mastered the skill of knowing which lifestyle works better in each season, let alone each challenging situation, but we have learned that we need each other if we are going to live this life to the glory of our Father.

Learning to live in harmony is a pursuit every married couple should have—especially if they find themselves viewing life through polar opposite lenses. We are called to reflect Christ and the Church through our marriage, and we cannot do that if we are too focused on trying to change each other. There is a reason I am not like my husband and a reason my husband is not like me. Sometimes we have no clue what that reason is, and times can become difficult when we explore new territory, but regardless if we understand now, we know the One who brought us together. And trusting Him will allow us to achieve what seems almost impossible to the world—embracing a marriage where we are living in harmony with each other.