For those of us who are familiar with sports, specifically softball or baseball, we understand how a new glove fits the first day we use it. In other words, it doesn’t. It’s stiff, hard to maneuver, and uncomfortable to say the least. A new glove takes weeks, sometimes months, of use before the leather relaxes and begins to form to the shape of your hand.

When I played softball, I used to place a ball inside my glove and lay the glove at the foot of my bed while I slept. I used the warmth of my body to relax the leather and used the movements of my feet to keep the glove from sitting in the same position all night. I would throw a ball to myself as much as possible during the day, and even sat on it whenever I could. Did all this help to speed up the process of breaking it in? I honestly have no idea.

But, what I do know is that I was committed to having a glove that, well, fit like a glove. Playing softball with a stiff, uncomfortable glove was frustrating compared to playing with a glove that was perfectly formed to the shape of my hand. I wanted my glove soft and relaxed for maximum performance.

Marriage is like a brand new softball glove. Our oneness as man and wife starts off frustrating and uncomfortable, and we are very much stuck in our own ways. We struggle to make decisions that work in harmony with one another, we struggle to create a life-style that emphasizes each other’s strengths, and we struggle to function properly and with perfection in a relationship that is designed to reflect the love of Jesus.

If we ignore the condition of our marriage, we ignore the ability God has given us to work at our oneness. Our decision to ignore the process of forming to the patterns of what God is doing in each other’s lives will inevitably lead to separate lifestyles regardless if we make the decision to remain married or seek divorce. I have met married couples celebrating twenty years of marriage while sleeping in separate rooms. This is not God’s desire for us in marriage. Instead, God has designed us to live lives that are equipped for maximum performance in the Kingdom of Heaven.

When my husband and I were first married, we made decisions, behaved, and lived out of sync with one another. We had to work (and continue to keep working) at our marriage, primarily our functions within our marriage, in order for us to create a flow of harmony together. It takes time, it takes pressure, it takes movement, and it takes the fire of God to work together on a consistent basis to loosen our seams, remove our pride, and soften our hearts.

However, unlike a glove that can be dropped off at a steaming service and manipulated to form a custom shape, a strong, secure marriage in Christ must endure the trials and challenges of life. Marriage cannot be manipulated by going through the motions; it must be authentic devotion between both husband and wife to accomplish everything the Lord has planned in advance.

And I don’t know about you, but my marriage is the most fulfilling when my husband and I live in harmony with the Holy Spirit and with each other.