I looked at my husband after we put the children down for bed and said, “I feel like we have hardly talked all day.”

He responded, “I know, babe, but when would we have been able to?”

He was right. We played back the events from the day and were alarmed at how demanding our young children and personal responsibilities had been the entire day. We were still trying to finish the conversations we started earlier that morning in fleeting moments as we passed by each other.

It’s not like we didn’t know our interactions changed after having our first child five years ago, but the reality of sitting down and trying to figure out how much quality time he and I spent together in a normal day really sank in. It had been a while since my husband and I were intentional in reflecting on our marriage, and we owed this nudge to assess our time together to our seventh year anniversary vacation.  

My husband and I took a much needed trip to the beach recently and can honestly say we had no idea what to expect. It wasn’t like we were planning for our trip to be dull or uneventful, but we settled for having little expectations and taking each day as it happened. We left for our flight with the unspoken understanding that this would be the first time since our honeymoon that we would spend more than a weekend together. A lot can happen in seven years.

And a lot has happened.

But, the moment we took flight, my husband and I felt as if we were back on our honeymoon all over again. The joy, the laughter, and the fruitful conversation reminded us just how much fun we have together and how thankful we were to be best friends. Throughout the entire vacation, my husband and I frequently told each other that we have to make marriage vacations a bigger priority! It was the most fun he and I had together in a long time and no doubt made the list of our favorite vacation trips of our lifetime.

However, since we have returned, I have not stopped thinking about what it was that made our vacation so refreshing as a couple. For five years, since our first child was born, our time together significantly decreased. Add another child, multiple jobs, personal responsibilities, volunteering, and spending time with relatives, and our time most days has been almost non-existent.

So, if we weren’t spending the necessary time together working on our marriage relationship as a couple, how were we able to enjoy each other’s company so much seven years later? What was it about our daily routine over the years that was preserving our relationship, our laughter, our joy, and our love for one another? Surely a marriage cannot thrive if you’re not spending quality time working on it, right?

And yet, our marriage has never been stronger.

We may not have been able to spend time away together like we had hoped since we said “I do”, but as I reflect on these past seven years, it’s not our quality time together that has secured our covenant and friendship. It has been our faith and commitment to Jesus.

He and I may not have had significant opportunities for fruitful conversation, but we have taken advantage of our personal opportunities to have fruitful conversations with the Lord.

“Pray in the Spirit at all times, with every kind of prayer and petition.” Ephesians 6:18

Our schedules may not have aligned well with each other during all our transitions, but we have not abandoned making time in our schedules for our Savior.

“In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:6

Our personal obstacles may have caused us to withdraw a little more from each other, but have not kept us from drawing close to our Abba Father.

“Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you.” James 4:8

In fact, the only consistent we have had as a married couple has been our individual faith with our Lord. Our commitment to Him reinforces our commitment to each other, and we are able to enjoy each other’s company even when certain seasons prevent us from spending a lot of quality time together.

I have witnessed more than enough married couples drift further and further away after having children and I have met children of these parents who are fully aware their parents are no longer “in love”. While I can personally understand the toll children can make on marriages, I believe wholeheartedly God grants us the grace to preserve our marriage relationship through every demanding season when we focus on growing in Him.

For my husband and me, we would love to have more time together. But if a season only allows for us to have time with each other or time with the Lord, we will chose time with the Lord every time because we know if we “seek first his kingdom and his righteousness… all these things will be given to us as well.” (Matthew 6:33).

Be blessed my friends!