Perhaps one of the most spiritually paralyzing situations I have been faced with is trying to discover my God-given purpose. I have sat in my prayer time with the Lord and have rotated between feeling desperate, angry, hopeless, confused, and insecure. His silence has been excruciating to my soul as I have begged Him to make His plans for me known.

During these repetitive meetings with the Lord, I began to recognize the cycle I was in. First, I felt desperate, almost as if I were begging and bartering for His voice.

“PLEASE, Lord. Please help me make the right decision in the right direction in accordance to Your will. I don’t know what to do and I need You to speak to me. I am really confused and anxious right now, and I’ll do anything you want me to do. Please just answer me.”

When silence followed, I entered into phase two–anger. I became angry at Him for not being here for me when I needed Him.

“Why aren’t You talking to me? You said that You draw near to those who draw near to You and here I am! I am asking, knocking, and seeking, and I am getting nothing from You. Why can’t You just tell me what I am supposed to do?”

Silence again contributed to phase three–hopelessness and confusion. This usually consisted of taking a deep breath and silencing my heart before God.

“I don’t understand, Lord. I don’t know what to do. There are so many options and so much I want to do in this life, but if You aren’t with me, I know it’ll be a disaster. How am I supposed to know if You’re with me if I can’t even hear You answer me?”

The final phase of insecurity followed. I inwardly concluded that I would have to make my decisions alone and that His silence was confirmation of the many unhealthy thoughts I had gathered thus far.

“I don’t have a purpose.”

“He must be too busy to talk to me.”

“He doesn’t care that I feel like this.”

“He doesn’t want to talk to me.”

“I will never be able to hear His voice.”

“I am not ‘spiritual’ enough.”

“I am not worthy to be used in mighty ways for His Kingdom.”

“He has found someone else.”

“My life is too messed up for Him to want me.”

I couldn’t have been further from the truth.

It was in the middle of another desperate plea with the Lord that a surge of adrenaline rushed through my veins. I was crying out to God, again, to reveal His purpose for me so I could start planning my life around my destiny when the Holy Spirit interrupted my plea with Matthew  6:33, “Seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”

This verse spoke so powerfully that a chain of events began to unfold right before my eyes. I was led in the Bible to verse after verse that magnified the Kingdom of God and His call to His children to glorify Him in everything. Everything.

When I reached Colossians 3:17, “So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God,”  my eyes were opened to see what I had been too spiritually-paralyzed to see. Even though I still didn’t know my purpose in life, I did eat and drink every day, and I knew that was exactly where I was going to start on this journey of discovering my purpose.

So, each time I ate and drank, I thanked God. I didn’t rush my prayer of thankfulness, I didn’t thank Him because that’s what I was taught, and I didn’t pray familiar words I had prayed in the past.

I dwelled. I dwelled on His grace for providing me food when He could have said no. I dwelled on His infinite wisdom as each movement of my body worked in absolute harmony to consume the food He had given me. I dwelled on His unbelievable creativity as my taste buds satisfied my hunger cravings with each incredible flavor. Eating became a time of worship for me, and from this thankful spirit a magnificent transformation took place in my heart.

    Each time I found myself preparing food or ordering food somewhere else, I became aware of who was with me and around me. I wanted to share this time of worship with anyone I could, whether they knew what was going on or not. I began to pay for strangers’ meals, smile as people passed by my dinner table,  intentionally pray for the gentleman sitting alone, start conversations with my waitress, encourage a mom juggling her children at Chick-Fil-A, and on and on and on, each time bringing the creativity and love of God into motion.

Because I had developed a lifestyle of worship during eating and drinking, it overflowed into every area of my life, and I watched as my life broke out of the spiritual bondage of desperation, anger, hopelessness, confusion, and insecurity.

Even though I still cannot tell you what the Lord has in store for me tomorrow, I can tell you what His plans are for me today. I no longer feel paralyzed to move forward, because I know that today I will be eating and drinking, and if I am eating and drinking, then that is enough to open the floodgates of the Kingdom of Heaven here on earth. If we consume ourselves with what’s “next” instead of what’s “now”, we can become idle, unable to move, overwhelmed with anxiety, and ultimately ineffective for the Kingdom of God in the season we are in.

It doesn’t mean waiting is easy, but it does mean there are unlimited opportunities for us to sow Kingdom seeds while we wait. And getting back to the basics of what we know will keep us focused on Jesus while we grow.